April 18 2014
To meditate is to wait for nothing.
I sat in front of the plaster lump and waited to be able to keep an empty mind. Meanwhile, I tried to sit still with closed eyes. Thoughts in my immediate vicinity ballooned all over my mind. I thought of letting go on the thoughts as if they were clouds drifting past.
Some thoughts are large and fascinating. I thought of the wall of skin, ribs and muscles separating the world out there and the inside. I could feel the pressure from the outside when the lungs expanded to their fullest.
It becomes very uncomfortable if I let myself feel the breath alone. The respiration felt for a moment intensely as an existential fight. A struggle between will and circumstances... but that was not what I was supposed to be thinking on.
I must try to concentrate and see no-thing in my head.
After an hour, I experienced that my mind was filled with a fascinating light. Occasionally a thought came in search of an idea.
The thought is impatient, but I continue to wait.
I tried to let go of the search, and rather put my attention on the play of light.